will.i.am and Britney Spears - Scream and Shout

Time to get back on the horse. Let’s see what’s happening in the charts at the moment.

Australia: Harlem Shake by Bauuer. No. Not reviewing that.

USA: Harlem Shake. Still no.

New Zealand: Harlem Shake. NO.

European Chart: Scream and Shout by Will.i.am and Britney Spears. Oh fuck it. This will be like stabbing a dragon in the foot with a toothpick made of optimism. The dragon won’t feel it and my optimism will be crushed. *Sharpens pencil*

"Written" by three (seriously, three?) people who don’t deserve the recognition.

Produced by the dictionary entry for “sell-out” and some other guy.

One line verdict: 141 million YouTube viewers can’t be are wrong. They just must be.

There’s a drinking game I once played with the song “Roxanne” by the Police. The rules were simple, you chose to be a “Roxanne” or a “Red Light” and had to drink whenever your respective lyric was sung. It got messy.

I’d like to introduce you to the drinking game for “Scream and Shout.” There are a number of teams. Team Club, Team Scream, Team Shout and Team Us. Spoiler alert: You’re all getting wasted. Especiallly Team Us. Eighteen drinks for you.

I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with this song if it wasn’t will.i.am and Britney. These two have individual histories in the pop music industry that cover greatness. “Baby One More Time” is the pop anthem of the 90s. The Black Eyed Peas were a super-cool hip-hop group right up until and including Elephunk. There was substance, there was style, there was sex appeal, there was effort, there was no phoning it in.

In the spirit of analysis, the true endeavour of this blog, I’m going to list the good things in this song, the things that make it interesting. 

1. There is one line of the chorus with a vocal harmony between will and Britney. The chemistry between the two is like a cat reacting with a bandsaw. 

2. There is a British accent at the start, and neither of the named artists are British. I find that incredibly intriguing.

3. There’s one bar of triplet backing over the 4/4 pacing of the super important lyrics in the breakdown.

It’s getting closer to the day when will.i.am releases a song that is purely electronic kick drum for three minutes with a one bar break in the middle for him to say his name. He could probably then sue for anyone who ever used a kick drum in a song ever again.

I’ll eat a shoelace if there’s any studio footage of will and Britney actually collaborating together.

I’ll eat a shoe if you can find anyone in the club, besides the DJ, who upon hearing the song, is gonna “turn this shit up”. YOU CAN’T. YOU DON’T HAVE THE VOLUME CONTROLS. I’M NEVER EATING A SHOE.

That’ll do. No more energy towards this song. It’ll only feed the dragon.

Zero stars out of 141 Million. I hate it so much.